my diet..:(

hello~ everyone!:)
uhmm.. its been awhile again:D
i just want to update about my diet:|
before i create this blog i was on a diet..
and its workin well.. but now i failed again
for how many tries i had:(

the reason:
STRESS & DEPRESSION
--i'm bein' stress of something i want that i can't have:(
--sadness that makes me want to eat alot:(( i hate it!:'(

yes!:( i get stress & depress and my solution is:((
EAT! EAT & EAT!!!:(( and i'm weak and losin my
confidence to go on again.. but i really want to loss weight=\

and here the saddest part:( i feel i'm scared to loss weight:(
for one thing the pain i feel might felt more painful if i lose weight=((
it so sad to think that everyone i know and i will meet is all the same..
they all hurt me and gonna hurt me.. not just my feelings but also
me.. my body:(( i'm scared that i will felt more pain if i lose weight..
coz now the pain they causing me is so much that i can't stand anymore..
i'm scared to meet new people because of them..:( yes! not just one but
almost all of them..:( i thought i was strong enough=(
i really thought of that:'(

i guess i'm gonna go to PLAN B for my diet:D
but before that i'll think and reminisce all the mistake i've done on
PLAN A/first try:D maybe PLAN B will work this time..

my PLAN A/my first to try weight loss:
--was i just eat less
--for dinner just fresh tofu and some meat or salad
--NO EXERCISE:( *boo boo!*
-- and shits~:|

PLAN A was NO NO!
so imma think now and update my diet:D

anyways for those who don't know...
i'm 60kg i think its 132 in pounds
and my weight goal:
-- 1st: 55kg /121lbs
--2nd: 50kg/110lbs
--last: 45kg /99lbs
and maintain it:D*cross finger:D*

tellin what i feel..:(

suupppeerrr! grr! you know i cant stand this anymore:((
im so stress here alone at home[house ni bf]
feelin' qh sasabog na utak ko kakaisip ng kung ano-ano:|
i cant wait to have a stable job, my own house and car..

anyways,, you know the feelin of being a prison by your
own self? you know how to escape but you dont want too..
cause your worried of shitss! what im scared about??
i'm losing myself.. i'm really pretendin to be someone else..
just for someone to be fuckin happy.. wait! how about my
happiness? how about me? myself? i lose everything
i want everything i love just for someone..
and now i'm tryin to get it all back.. for somereason i cant..
nasan na ako? nasan na yung dating ako? i thought i was
strong enough to face the world, to face every challenges
in life.. cause madami na akong napagdaanan na pagsubog
and nakaya ko.. but now i just cant.. i'm losing my confidence
and myself.. and i want it, i want myself back..
i know you guys dont know what i'm talkin about cause
i keep it private i just told it to my close friends what it is..
i just dont feel tellin it to the world.. it unhappy things..
kakaiyak na promise.. feelin ko di ko na kaya ituloy toh...:(


sana nakinig ako.=( sana hindi ko nalang pinaglaban.=(
but i'm happy even it hurts more than pain:((

Long Time.....

yeah.. its long time no entry!:|
i really dont know what to write or what to do..
uhmmm,, whatever..

so yeah it soo tagal since i update again.. hahaha
even i'm always sa bahay lagee..
anyways.. i join a makeup contest in Youtube
and yeah! i made a video.. weell its a slideshow type..
coz my memory stick can only record 5mins
and i cant do my makeup for 5mins specially
if their such a "inspired look"..

here is the vid..:D


thats my vid..
i join the contest coz of the prices and really
i want the 1st place but i dont know..
hope to win that contest.. coz i really dont
know how i can get those set of brushes..
i want those badly..:(

because of havin my desire and lots..
i lookin forward to go some agency here..
so maybe they can help me to find a job..